I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sobbing to NWA
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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