Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
