I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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