That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
