I wish my penis had an off switch
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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