This beer is not sobering me up at all
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
