... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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