oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
bring money and cleavage
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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