I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
