fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
