My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
