i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
