There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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