glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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