I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
