addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
