Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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