Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
