You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
