So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize