what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
