some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
