so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
