Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
