well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
