Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
