You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
