just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
