hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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