So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
