oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
