Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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