of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
