why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize