OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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