i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
