I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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