I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
