totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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