I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He shit in the fireplace
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
