two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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