yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
