I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
