Barsexuality is the new black.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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