they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
