You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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