he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
