I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
