Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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