we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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