THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
