everyone is single if you try hard enough
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize