I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
