If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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