So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't deserve a penis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
