He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
