Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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