just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
