It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
