i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
