Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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