I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
