DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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