So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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