He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
