So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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