Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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