Define "chronic" masturbator.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
