two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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