Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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