we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
