i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
