If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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