she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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