tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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