You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
