Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
