Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
