i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
